Performance Talk

The recent riots that spread across the UK not only instigated an intense debate in the House of Commons that is likely to go on for months, they have spurred much discussion about ‘our’ so called disaffected youth and what we need to do to reengage them.

Before we attempt to win them over however it is important we understand the drivers behind their apparent ‘out of character’ behaviour. We need to know why they committed such appalling acts that destroyed so many livelihoods and established institutions so close to home in order to identify what we need to change to advance from where we are.

If we listened to the media one thing is certain and that is how politically correct the UK has become. Why? Because the fingers of those closest to the perpetrators continue to point at those farthest away (from the point of responsibility) and yet it would appear too few on either side of the house have the courage to talk about the underlying issues because of the risk to their political futures.

In my opinion, and indeed the opinion of many others, is that responsibility for these disturbing events lies squarely in the home - just as it does in every nation where similar unrest has occurred. That said I am not promoting the idea that we need someone to blame but rather we as the citizens of our nations need to demonstrate sufficient maturity in order to identify an appropriate course of action that will lead to an appropriate long term solution.

While the job market is tight and investment in government initiatives low, it in no way justifies violent behaviour as some would suggest, but then aggressive or violent behaviour is a consequence of fear, not a lack of recognition. If we understood fear was the underlying cause we may be more inclined to want to engage our youth in a deeper conversation about the cause of their fear rather than trying to curb their behaviour as if it were a random act in response to an isolated incident i.e. their intense concern about their ability to prosper in a world that seems disinterested in their predicament was, in my opinion, the cause of this outburst.

One of the greatest threats to both the stability of modern society and the pursuit of truth is the deliberate and uncompromising efforts by those less informed to lay blame on those in power (Government); simply because they see a problem they are either unable to address or continue to suffer from themselves. That said I am not in any way suggesting successive governments have played no part in our unenviable situation. Indeed they have played a part, and in many cases a significant part, but let’s not kid ourselves into thinking those in charge are responsible for the attitudes and behaviours playing out in our homes - meaning we need to look elsewhere if we wish to change what we are observing.

I would not wish to see the New Zealand government or British parliament feeling like it has little choice but to intrude on families in order to ensure we are doing the right thing by our kids - as all it would do is further erode the tenuous hold we have on the actual position of responsibility. What our respective governments can do however is provide tools, education, policies and support, especially to our most vulnerable, in order to ‘empower’ us (as citizens) to take responsibility for ourselves and those we care for, not allow us to seek comfort in abdicating responsibility in order to compensate for our short comings.   

I have heard much frustration following the televised interviews with some of those effected by the UK riots about the idea of responsibility and almost all who have ventured into the subject have expressed their dismay that so many adults maintain a view that their friends or children who were found looting were somehow not at fault. The idea that someone else is responsible for our actions is not only absurd, it is untruthful and unwise and until we get serious about correcting it, we will never advance as a society.

An interesting and perhaps useful point to consider is why don’t people take responsibility for their actions - or indeed for the actions of their children?

In fairness there are two primary reasons for such a phenomenon. Firstly there is a group, namely children, who are unable to take responsibility for their actions because they have neither the ability nor the maturity to manage themselves and their environment appropriately i.e. they are the group who are not yet equipped to take responsibility for their actions but with the right guidance and advice they will hopefully acquire the skills and experience to be able to do so in the future.

The second group and indeed the group of concern is made up of people of different ages who have arguably never matured and as a result are less inclined to appreciate the importance of taking responsibility i.e. they either can’t because they have not yet grown up (mentally or emotionally) or they are unable to because they haven’t the skills or capacity to do so (all of which assists in the prolonged deprivation of moral judgement). Either way the insecurities that abound within the minds of this group cause them to abdicate responsibility because of their overwhelming need to try to be seen in a particular way rather than understanding the importance of doing the right thing. What I mean by this is a person who hasn’t advanced (matured or gown up) will be more interested in either creating or preserving an assumed reputation than they will be in honouring their purpose and/or taking responsibility for their actions. A good example of this would be an employee who makes a mistake but fails to take responsibility for it and instead blames others or circumstances that are (or were at the time) beyond their control. The question again is why do they do this? The reason is because they don’t want to be associated with failure (because they doubt their ability to recover) in case it compromises their assumed reputation i.e. they don’t want people to lose faith in them or see them as being different than who they aspire to be.
 
There is no question the performance of our youth is a key to our future success. To ensure we are educating them i.e. equipping them with the skills, tools and understanding to contribute to society going forward, we all need to get involved.

The on-going issue that was evident in both the UK riots and problems of this nature closer to home is that our biological capability in no way reflects our psychological capacity. What I mean by this is that while most of us are equipped with the necessities to procreate, too few of us have the skills to raise the children we conceive. As we have been advised for decades, ‘having’ a child is a very different proposition than ‘raising’ a child, and yet sadly many who find themselves in such a predicament are ill-equipped to cope - often through no fault of their own. Statistics here in New Zealand continue to illustrate not only the enormity of this issue, but the tragedy those involved experience as a consequence. Had the parents or primary caregivers of those who have suffered had the tools and support to honour their role, things would not have unfolded as they did.

It is interesting to note how we have come to accept that we need to be of a certain age to drink, we need a licence to drive and yet there is no guideline or requirement for a person to bring a child in to this world. If successive governments have failed, it is in this area that they have failed to provide the level of education and support to abate the agony associated with poor or inappropriate parenting, but then attempting to do so may be akin to political suicide hence the reason it remains a political football.

At the end of the day, we as parents are responsible for providing our kids with the foundation they need to prosper. If we don’t take responsibility for what our children become, no one can. To say our schools are responsible for the development of our children, as many seem to believe, is not only untrue, it is delusional and unfair. The only thing schools can do is work with what they are given. If our children lack the substance (capacity) to be leveraged as intended (i.e. taught), schools will be forced to adopt a role in which they will certainly fail. As parents we are not only the primary caregivers of our children, we are their principal teachers; meaning we are not only responsible for providing them with the love, attention and support they need to grow into a stable and mature adult, we are also responsible for ensuring they develop a vision of themselves and this world that will enable them to prosper in the future. If we fail in our duty as parents, our children will be devoid of what they require to succeed in later life.

The broader question ‘why are our children failing?’ is best answered by accepting the fact that too many of our parents are failing, or at least failing in their principal role of providing the guidance and support their children need to function and mature, as opposed to failing to provide them with the absolute basics of life such as food, shelter and clothing.

The cause of this issue in my opinion is the unsuitable and inappropriate mind-set experienced by so many of our parents who sadly have neither the understanding nor the ability to honour their role as a parent let alone impart within their children a sense of meaning and purpose. This lack of purpose remains the adjacent contributor (to fear) to the attitude and behaviour demonstrated by our disaffected youth.

It is a well-known fact that during times of hardship, communities rally together. The recent tragedies at Pike River Coal and the Canterbury earthquakes brought out the best in us. They gave us something to focus on that was, for the most part, of greater significance than our personal problems. We witnessed the devastation, trauma and heartache and as a consequence, found our personal challenges abate. They put things in perspective and thus enabled us to recalibrate what is important rather than presuming our personal challenges were the only subject of importance. There is no doubt during times of difficulty life tends to take on a different meaning as suddenly people have something to do, meaning they tend to become more compelled to do what is appropriate and/or required rather than wallow in self-pity.

By examining the subject of purpose, or lack of (in addition to addressing their fears), we will be in a better position to appreciate why so many young people took to the streets in the UK. After all, who can blame them for expressing their disapproval about not only their lack of relevance and importance, but about the depreciable meaning of the value of their existence? If they were as important as we have lead them to believe, why do they experience reality as they do or feel the way they feel? Why are they reminded day after day that nobody cares when their parents and/or others have told them that somebody (government) should?